View more comments. Obviously said before Sex for Dummies came out. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them. Recently my relative told me he got a bunch of credit cards and maxed them out, he plans on paying them back with next year tax refund. Second cannibal: What are you having? She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed if she's ever going to be good at golf. Here I'll prove it to you. It's important to have a good vocabulary. Barry Sherman Son Suspect, Three women get together over coffee to discuss their drunken adventure the night before. The Darkest Minds Page 18 read free. Give them a hand ! My buddy died when we couldnt remember his blood type. Telling dark humor jokes is a toss-up, but its always better to take the risk! He genuinely believed it, I cant even with that amount of stupidity. Then he overruns a Hungarian so decides to back the car up, go forward, back up again, go forward again. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds . The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. When I asked her what in the good god she was doing, she came back with:"I'm putting air holes in the bag so your fish don't suffocate. 40. Patient: Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?, Doctor: To the morgue. Patient: What? He overruns a dog and keeps driving. The first canibal replied Dude, you are eating too fast!. The judge says, "I can't. She screamed at me and said, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. My younger cousin (boy) in Bangladesh got bitten a monkey, somehow. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. (Closed), I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? Shiho was in the hospital for three weeks, trapped in a coma. Whats the ultimate definition of trust? You could hear him wander the deck nearly every night. Pickled organs. A backpacker finds a tiny village tucked away in the mountains with one tiny pub. His curiosity gets the best of him and he says, "Sir, I've got ask--and I know you hear this all the time, but what happened to you?" I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof. Its been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes. . A cannibal chief was just about to stew his latest victim for dinner when the man protested, You cant eat me, Im the manager! Dad, how do stars die? Cannibals capture three men. : HOW NOT TO SUMMON A DEMON LORD Episode 1 36. "See those trees? One turned to the other and siad:Your wife sure makes a good roast., What is the title of the best-selling cannibal book? The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend." Sebastin Len Prado Report. So when someone on the r/AskReddit subreddit asked "What's the dumbest thing you've ever heard?" A man walked into a bar and sat down, and ordered a beer. Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick. Your feedback will help us improve the article. 59. Teacher pointed outside. Doc replies, "Don't worry, they're talking b@llocks." Before Wembley finds himself in 4T - the titular terrible tunnel - they . I couldnt eat another mortal. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. 3.8K views, 33 likes, 12 loves, 0 comments, 4 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from my anime. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates. Not everybody gets it. It's about a wind tunnel that sucks Fraggles up like a hurricane, seemingly to their deaths. Please dont hold this against us, and if you loved these dark humor jokes, you will enjoy these 20 Cringey Jokes That Are So Bad Theyre Hilarious, If you enjoyed these humor dark jokes, we think youre gonna love these 20 Cringey Jokes That Are So Bad Theyre Hilarious. Recently my relative told me he got a bunch of credit cards and maxed them out, he plans on paying them back with next year tax refund. If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light! Rate My Professor Gateway Community College, Theyre making head lines. Dive into its complex history and see its uses in medicine, cultural rituals and in times of survival. ; . What is your favorite smell? I used to work in a grocery store and this elderly woman said, Twenty-five cents a pound? The lady replied back really nastily saying she had a J-O-B and didn't have time to count gas pumps, unlike some other "lowlifes", completely oblivious that she looked like an idiot. What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? I like you as much as I like my morning caf-fin. The Awesome Daily is part of Alony Media. A: He got Avogadro's number! Days? First cannibal: My wifes a tough old bird. But Im not dead yet! Doctor: And were not there yet.. Rated #62 in the best albums of 2010, and #6798 of all time album.. Second canibal: How about a curry? Yes! agreed the first cannibal. Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face. Jokes about the Holocaust or some other very serious event aren't haha funny jokes, they are usually examples of very dry, dark wit. The chameleonic actor is the stand-out of Luther: The Fallen Sun, crafting a genuinely unsettling villain who revels in gruesome tableaux of corpses and very public displays of how much control he. Sorry, not sorry (but really, sorry). Omg, this is brutal. I havent said a word the whole trip so I asked how I could make the situation better. He is laughing hysterically as a friend greets him. 935.7K Likes, 8.5K Comments. 100 Best Dark Humor Jokes 1. It's only human to experience mild brain farts from time to time, no matter your IQ, academic achievements, or profession. Why do we need farms. and the whole room erupts with laughter. Vitamin bills! A guy in front turned and looked at me and said "You means that's not a full grown bear"! She then told me that I didnt need to use that because her car didnt have that and claimed to be a mechanic. Burgers, maam.. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. The darkest joke I know is What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? what is the darkest joke you've ever heard . I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. The holocaust. Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. I asked her how she planned on getting that food into the store. and for him it was being alarmed to discover that people apparently have a substance hotter than gas in their veins . What happened when the cannibal got a religion? What led me to this site was actually me thinking today about two dirty jokes I heard as a kid growing up in the 90'sthe 90's was a very special time full of jokes lacking cleverness, redeeming qualities, and even identity.just a mashup of themes and confusing banter all to deliver a punch line that had nothing to do with the joke leading up to it. But your friends or equally demented family may be on board. The parrot said, "Clarence." If you think about it, it could be called I Just Cant Wait for My Dad to Be Killed in a Stampede.. The cannibal turned to his friend and said, Whats this flier doing in my soup? 6. We got down to this because the teacher was explaining smething else pretty simple that she didnt understand. But Im going to miss her terribly., Related: The Funniest Jokes about DeathThe Funniest Jokes about Death. 2 67. 5. ", Reminds me of someone who wrote a negative review of their Spain trip, saying everyone were foreigners and they didnt speak English. So broke it down and figured out she didnt get fractions. schweitzer mountain coronavirus. The first cannibal says you start at the bottom, Ill start at the top, so they both chow down. Your Majesty, he said, the slaves are revolting! My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Meals on wheels. Jack could sense that was something more. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it." Never break someones heart. 80. 1. 38. He stared out into the darkness, listening to If you forgot to get your knob out and you pissed your pants, you have Alzheimers. A Soviet judge exits a courthouse after a trial. What happened to the canibal lion? He wouldn't even go all out for a dozen, whatta jerk!". That must have made his tests easy. When I was getting a new aquarium, I put my fish into plastic bags of water to hold them while I set up the new tank.My Mother panicked and started punching holes in the bags with a pencil. Human cannibalism is a lot more common than you might think. "Now, I'm going to share this bar with you. The whales are eating birds!" Archived. 20.000 DEM to 10.000 EUR. A head hunter. The term "sick joke" as used then referred specifically to jokes that follow the pattern of the following. About half an hour later, the second cannibal says Im having a ball. 0 views. A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. Imagine a universe where even the tiniest spot of hope for the future is blindness in itself, the insane Straw Nihilist yelling about The End of the World as We Know It in the asylum is actually the only one with a clue, and too much curiosity about the true nature of the world is a precursor to a Fate Worse than Death.A universe where humanity is preyed upon as a mere plaything for Best Dark Humor Jokes. 0 views. 62. Call It What You Want (: ) - , , Reputation. Sharing these dark secrets is very brave, considering the taboo topics that might come up. First Cannibal: Have you seen the dentist? Me: What weighs more; a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?Coworker: Bricks!It took me about 15 minutes to explain the answer to him, which included me drawing it out on paper and using a kitchen scale with different items for examples. The dad replies, "not really, she just lies there and cries.". 64. First cannibal: Hard-boiled legs. My husband and I shared stories of when we found out there was another meaning for plasma. share. Turns out, Im not gonna be a doctor. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I turned to her and said, Sorry, its been a while since I possessed a body.. Every joke, come on, request, complaint. He became a vegetarian, Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? what is the darkest joke you've ever heard. Second Cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper. Some restrictions? 4th year in Vilnius Gediminas Technical University as a graphic designer. Thats a good question. Why dont cannibals eat comedians? News Now clips, interviews, movie premiers, exclusives, and more! jeffrey dahmer letters to barbara; canton ma police scanner You dont need a parachute to go skydiving. 75. Primary Menu. Summary: "You can do anything you want, Sanji, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise." -A look through Sanji's life, from times in a kingdom that never knew anything but cruelty, to the days on a floating restaurant and on to an endless adventure with extraordinary people brought together by impossible dreams. I drank so much that night. 8. A young woman is crying in her wheelchair at the end of an ocean pier. Can't you just hold in your period or stop it? The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. They have 206 of them. Viral. Peace! You may find your tribe. A 2017 study by Austrian neurologists published in Cognitive Processing found that people who appreciate dark jokes, which they define as "humor that treats sinister subjects like death, disease, deformity, handicap, or warfare with bitter amusement," may actually have higher IQs than those who don't. 3. For me it was sitting and thinking "obviously there's not the straw coloured fluid that is the basis of blood in a plasma TV, so what does it mean?" A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. You dont have to tell me, said the king. Hop in! I heard chatter that the film didn't do enough to show "the other side" (I don't recall the same complaints made about "The Darkest Hour," a film that "Golda" in many ways echoes). best funny jokes ever. Why do cannibals make suitcases out of peoples heads? You get into hot water. I love a man who cares about animals. "If i could find a country that didn't take immigrants in I'd move there", I drive for Uber on the weekends and one time a girl who was in her late 20s told me that I was making her uncomfortable. Although she has many different interests, she's particularly drawn to covering stories about pop culture as well as history. 1. What is the darkest joke you've ever heard? A few sips later the voice said beautiful shirt. conservation international ceo; little debbie peanut butter creme pies discontinued. When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. He was looking at me, pleadingly, in . Theyre basically the antihero of jokes. There's a reason why Reddit always seems to love threads about the dumbest thing someone has said or done. mattel masters of the universe: revelation. TikTok video from JayDeePerk (@jaydeeperk): "#stitch with @jokeswithchinos Forgive me tiktok #gamersunderfire #darkhumourandjokes #justjokes #badjokes". The girl said 3 is more than 2 so 1/3 is larger.Teacher drew two circles on the board, divided one in two and the other in three parts. Breakfast in bed! Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. You are the heir of a former noble family, damned due to the actions of a hedonistic forebear who spent the family fortune excavating an ancient portal underneath the family estate and inadvertently releasing an untold number of TikTok video from JayDeePerk (@jaydeeperk): "#stitch with @jokeswithchinos Forgive me tiktok #gamersunderfire #darkhumourandjokes #justjokes #badjokes". Promotion awaits you. Please don't shoot the messenger. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Especially if you've got hay fever." - Milton Jones. Cannibal: Mom, mom, Ive been eating a missionary and I feel sick! Especially after the rough . Scroll down below to read them all and share in the comment section the dumbest thing you have heard! 72. 42. Hours? For your March forecast, call 0906 751 5604. A brick. Shooting Range Backstop Requirements Florida, What happened when the cannibal crossed the Atlantic on the QE2? 20 Cringey Jokes That Are So Bad Theyre Hilarious, 40 Funny Apologies That are Worthy of an Oscar or Academy Award, 73 Funny Ways to Say Going to The Bathroom For Social Events, The 15 Most Unusual Strange Jobs In The World That Will Make You Say Huh, 31 I See Stupid People Memes That Will Make You Feel Better About Yourself, 25 Funny Words to Put on Bead Bracelets To Make You Laugh, Perfect Color Vision Test - Only People With Perfect Color Vision Will Nail This Test, 62 of The darkest Jokes Ever Told Online | Dark Humor Jokes. Well, thats a little odd but with a minute of explanation she should get it. Start tearing people apart. We have plenty! Teacher erazed both circles, grabbed two pieces of paper, ripped one in half, one in thirds. He should have splurged on a baker's dozen. One said to the other I dont like your friend. I need some dark jokes so my friend can read them to us in his amazing voice. - Person wasting time on the internet. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I dont find it cute or romantic. The sharks are out for blood. Did you hear about the cannibal student who was suspended from school for buttering up his teacher? What do you call a sex-crazed gay cannibal? As is usually the case, there were a bunch of birds taking advantage of the situation and diving to catch the small fish/krill the whales had rounded up. To see a mans true face, look to the photos he hasnt posted. I only submitted it because it was the darkest joke I've ever heard. Nice to meat you! 35. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. 100 of the funniest short jokes and one-liners 197 Likes, 21 Comments. Your wife makes a great soup, said one cannibal to the other. It's true, and it's been proven by science. What do sick cannibals have for breakfast? First cannibal: I dont know what to make of my husband these days. "Please take no offense in this but are you familiar with the words and concepts of "smaller and larger"?" He ate himself. Two laid back cannibals captured a man and are about to eat him. 59. The barber pulls out a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill and asks the kid: TikTok video from aberhaam (@aberhaam): "Can yall comment and act like this is the funniest joke youve ever heard in your life #momjokes". I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, 50 Frightening Pics That Make Us Want To Stay As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible (New Pics), "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! When I was getting a new aquarium, I put my fish into plastic bags of water to hold them while I set up the new tank. 2. He said, "I don't know. 3. a mysterious fight which youve only heard rumor of, and want to know the full story. Everyone looked at him like an idiot. He wanted a balanced meal. Can do whatever he sets his mind to. The judge answers, "I think I just heard the funniest joke I've ever heard." Released 13 April 2010 on Dead Oceans (catalog no. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story. A simple "oh crap I must have been mistaken" or better yet not commenting at all would have sufficed. Many things, I guess 7. Our latest news . He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jess is watching you." Worst part is the itching as it heals. They are watching people walk down the street. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, To hell with your canoes!. Historians have suggested most pirates would have been illiterate. Saying sorry or aplogising is not always an easy thing. Kids are far too innocent for this stuff, unlike us sick and twisted individuals. Held up a piece of both "Which one is larger?" Girl pointed out the 1/3 piece. Laid Back Cannibals. 58. Someone was convinced that Queen stole the bass line to "Under Pressure" from Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby". Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Many are predictable, like urban legends woven before. Me being from a farming town I was explaining how important certain aspects of farming are interesting, and super important. Im Not sure. Baked beings (beans). darkest joke you know. Even people who study sleep aren't sure why we dream. 45. 9. 4. Hello??!! One snatches your watch. the most funniest joke on tik tok. In November 2018, Merkel stepped down as leader of the Christian Democratic Union and . I hate having visitors. The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. The first canibal replied "Dude, you are eating too fast!". We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. "Forget that there are more piece" and he binned the rest, holding up the initial two pieces again. 68. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid. Second cannibal: You should have left her in the oven for another half an hour. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. 69. bear in the big blue house characters; colne times obituaries this week Menu Toggle. (Closed), I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics), 10 Things You Didnt Know about Jamie Afifi, 10 Things You Didnt Know About Margo Harshman. We just tell them theyre going to die.. Battling demons from his past and present, he must go into the future, as the past becomes his future. Cha-La Head-Cha-La (CHALA HEADCHALA (), Chara Hetchara) is the first opening theme of the Dragon Ball Z anime for the first 199 episodes of the Japanese version, episodes 54 to 184 if totaled for the edited English dub. So I packed up my stuff and right. Your account is not active. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, I Felt So Shaken Up: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husbands Conversation With Mother-In-Law, "Can't Approve Overtime? Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. if you are going to downvote me, I know. My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even. What did one cannibal say to the other? If that other girl is trans, for instance. Merkel became the first female Chancellor of Germany in 2005 and is serving her fourth term. The 2nd lady says "Well, I got home, lit up some candles and burned half the house down!" what is the darkest joke you've ever heardarmy records office address. what is the darkest joke you've ever heard. I was watching my daughter at the park, and a woman turned to me and asked, Which ones yours?. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother. I thought it would be best if he didn't buy a plasma tv. A little bit of French. 4. Two cannibals were eating dinner. 21: Shark Infested (4.80) Everyone out of the water. Men Toes. who said the definition of insanity; god's big love object lesson. Whats the bad news? Doctor: Ive been trying to reach you for two days.. What is the worst joke you've ever heard? Good luck! The sad librarian said, You need to buy a pair of shoes!. Some jokes are just evil and dark, most of the time the internet community loves to browse and read jokes about pretty much anything, but these 62 darkest jokes might be a little bit too much for some to handle. What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? This cringey joke sounds like a threat! Where do you work? Man: I work in the butcher shop up the street.. 48. Posted by 6 years ago. what is the darkest joke you've ever heard. Yeah we were shocked too until we read this article by theNational Geographic. Poor guy. Q: Do you like bon jovi?A: No, I don't eat italian food. Which is larger, right or left?" TikTok video from JayDeePerk (@jaydeeperk): "#stitch with @jokeswithchinos Forgive me tiktok #gamersunderfire #darkhumourandjokes #justjokes #badjokes". 3. June 14th, 2022 . If your stream didnt reach the fence, you have a prostrate problem. I was in a college class, and we were talking about agriculture. Whats the definition of a cannibal? Alright guys lets make a thread about the sickest most twisted dark humour joke you've ever heard. He certainly was. How can you help a starving cannibal? A moving, laugh-out-loud memoir from one of today's best-loved British actors, whose credits include Downton Abbey, Notting Hill, and Paddington. She responded with "Well they already make all the food in the store as it is right? How To Serve Your Fellow Man. He told the waiter to take the menu away and bring him the passenger list! Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again! What is the darkest joke you've ever heard? Featured peformers: The Tallest Man on Earth (performer, writer, recording engineer), Gunnar Bckman (mastering engineer), Niclas Stenholm (sleeve design), Daniel . 41. 60. Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog! I wonder how it was made up 2. The driver stops her at the door and says:"you have the ugliest baby I've ever seen! The flight attendants already know what you are going to say. The third student said, "we are all human beans." A father scolded his son for thundering down the stairs and sent him back to walk down the stairs in a civilized manner. The Simpsons, despite having consistently cartoonish elements and deep family values, is also full of genuinely dark and depressing gags.While some focus on the defeatist attitude of Springfield, others can carry some extremely dark baggage with them -- especially given the history of the Springfield residents.However, the series' darkest joke, which happened in Season 19's "Papa Don't Leech . Take them with a pinch of salt. Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form. The Darkest Minds Page 18 read online at NovelsToday. I might have doled out a higher rating, however it ended with a short story that I found at once grotesque but also lame. Did you hear about the cannibal who went vegetarian? I had a patient tell me once that smoking cant cause cancer and its all a big hoax as I took him to his chemo appointment for lung cancer, which was most likely because he smoked 40 a day. From the country next door, replied the servant. Why didnt the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? 78. 22. Error occurred when generating embed. In oral delivery, for the first line one imitates the voice of a small child, and for the second line the voice of a middle-aged female smoker. We could just get food from the stores. Specialties: Two Chicks in the Mix is a made-to-order bakery that prioritizes local and organic ingredients. What happened to the cannibal lion? He was fed up with other people, What is a cannibals favorite food? I can get them 4 pounds for a dollar at Safeway, If you have sex with a pregnant girl you can change the biological dad to you. Down for stealing a calendar that's bad luck. aberhaam. Did you hear the joke about Dark Matter? State of Florida v. George Zimmerman was a criminal prosecution of George Zimmerman on the charge of second-degree murder stemming from the killing of Trayvon Martin on February 26, 2012.. On April 11, 2012, George Zimmerman was charged with second-degree murder in the shooting death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin.In support of the charges, the State filed an What is darkest joke you've ever heard? I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm. It blew away. funniest dark humor jokes. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? Im telling you this now because there was no social media in the 80s. The other one replied, Well put her to one side and just eat the greens. He is shocked at the sudden sense of kinship he feels for Izzy, for this castaway none of them ever really gave a chance. 25. Why was the cannibal looking peeky? While not at the office, this Panda enjoys creepy movies, poetry, photography and learning how to play the piano. what is the darkest joke you've ever heard. Lol! 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Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us! Back in a little bit Jack. I sooooo wish we could without it involving a pregnancy or surgery. The Wild Hunt, an Album by The Tallest Man on Earth. Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? Her crew is going down. Genres: Contemporary Folk, Singer-Songwriter. What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteers funeral? However, Bored Panda has handpicked you 50 stories that we enjoyed reading the most.